nothing is shaking out like I thought it would.
Or maybe it is. Maybe I'm just at the brink. Life feels stagnant right now. School, work, reading whatever can make me feel something other than tired, repeat. I had a break for Thanksgiving from everything- that was kinda nice. But now it's Monday, and I was supposed to go to school, and instead I've been up for more than 24 hours and I feel like total shit and I don't really know why.
I'm trying out the whole writer-for-real thing. I should be getting a car soon. I have less than six months before I'm supposed to move five hours away. Everything is supposed to happen really soon and I get it's the whole angst-bullshit, but the only thing I can really care about is buying too many books at Goodwill next Saturday.
These are the times that I wished that mermaids and fortune tellers were real. My grades are slipping, I make less and less money every week, and I can't seem to make myself do the things I should be doing.
I must read off like an asshole. That's fine; I can see that I kind of am an asshole. And, honestly, I think I'm actually a little grateful that I'm all swirled up this way.
Because I simply have to believe, see, need to know that I'm at that point where it's do it already or fall forever. And I really do think I'm just about there.
I could always start posting quotable little phrases on Tumblr until I'm loved and deep, or I could become a great card shark who loses a finger only every five years. Really, there's always some kind of next step, last chance, new plan that one could jump to when all else fails.
It'll be fine. Eventually, everything works out for everyone and the world is a happy place.
Or, at least, it's doable.
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