Green Everywhere!

The grey-and-green look after it rains. God, I could live in that. Not when it's sunny; the brightness is almost nauseating to me, like a mockery to my searching eyes. When it rains a little- not gushing down. A little rain to coax the brightness out of the leaves and keep the sky dark. That's how I like it.

It's a shame the sun's gotta be peeking through the veil like this. I'm playing some lo fi "Get High" mix on my other tab (with just the most charming thumbnail of a red-eyed Bart Simpson clutching a photoshopped bong). It's almost a nice little setup indeed.

Saturday I was almost hit by a car chasing another car, who stole a phone over a Craigslist deal. Today I considered announcing to people with a taste of dramatic flair that: "My life almost ended because two men valued a cellphone over other's lives." That's a bit much, even for me. Funny though, that is the truth. The boiled-down essence of the incident was just that. And it's not even in the news.

I think my moment of success and prideful smiles is just about over now. I got an article published on me- called "A Talented Writer" right in the title. Tweeted about it and got six likes. Someone told me I should've sent a better picture to the editor. They're not wrong.

I'll do that soon- take some nice photos. I can't email teachers and editors with Robbie Rotten as my profile picture forever. My senior one looks approximately good, but I wouldn't be able to say it was me. I want something artsy, of course. I want to be laying back on a beach in a flannel and a cigar between my teeth, the cunning near-vixen that plots for blood.

Well, that's not me either. And I haven't heard back on any of the things I've been practically choking on in wait- communications both gone dead and I feel like a nuisance if I keep emailing to "check in". But fuck it, I'll keep "checking in". I know they all must be busy but damn, I'm someone too.

And I'll keep writing. If I can just push myself across town on a Wednesday, I could be up on a stage and have maybe even twenty people applaud me. If I can get myself up an hour earlier every morning, I could get more down and out and ready to edit. And if I can make myself be more disciplined- throw everything in and be ready for a true heartbreak like losing the earth- I might actually go somewhere.

Because I don't think this is working.